Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Meant to Be

First I have to say I stole the idea for this blog post from Jolene at Our Adoption Journey To China... And Our Adventures Back Home

As adoptive parents, I even hate adding “adoptive” we are PARENTS, we struggle with so many things.  (Yes I hate saying “step” parent also)  How we word things to our children and others, are we doing enough to foster their cultural growth, do we talk about birth parents or foster families and then how much to do this.  Questions people ask about WHY Russia or China and not the US.

In our family we have birth, step and adoptive parents.  Just in Tim and I!  But I hate to use those adjectives!  Our kids call us Mom and Dad. I’m sure they add some adjectives once in awhile.  But we are a family.  Doesn’t matter how we got here…

WE are meant to be.  See, even that can be taken the wrong way… was it meant to be for our children to be taken from their birth parents?  God could not mean for that to happen could He?  I do not believe so but I don’t know why… I just know they are and we are as Stephen Curtis Chapman puts it… “Meant to Be”. 

Thank you Jolene for sharing this video and your thoughts on some of these struggles.  You put it so much better than I can.

Blessings!

 

2 comments:

Jolene and Dan Powell said...

Sandy, you are too kind.

Funny...I was rocking Ty this morning and he pointed to a picture and said, "China. Ty Ty China." I was so proud of him! But then I realized the next part of the conversation will be about his birth mom...and if she's the birth mom, am I the adoptive mom? I just don't like the sound of it. I just want to be 'mom'.

Have a blessed day!
Jolene

Reena said...

I think titles are whatever we make of them and the focus should be on what is most acceptable for the kids to understand. If other people are not comfortable with it, then that is their problem.

I am an Adoptive mom and I am a stepmom. I've encountered more "advice" from folks regarding my role as a stepmom than otherwise-- at least so far.

When Wim and I were first married, I didn't even refer to myself as a stepmom because the kids didn't like it and were not comfortable. I introduced myself as their dad's wife. I've had more than a couple people 'correct' me that I am the stepmom. I always corrected them back. It is suprising how many people not really involved with our family were uncomfortable about me not using the title Stepmom.

Wim's kids appreciated that I did this and it helped them to trust me-- keep in mind their mom seriously HATES me and says mean things about me and Wim to them.

Over time, the kids adapted and got use to me and realized that I would not push them into a relationship with me. It was a long haul, but now I am the stepmom-- or depending on the situation, the Stepmonster LOL. It continues to be a long haul-- but you just have to keep trying without pushing. At least that is how it seems to work for us.

With Josie and Clara Rose, I introduce myself as their mom-- clearly they were adopted. I do read the girls stories about adoption and being from China. We talk about it as much as you can with a 2 and 3 year old. Recently Josie did ask me where her birth China mommy is-- I told her she is in China. That satisfied her at this time. Josie knows she has a China Mommy and a Mommy Mommy (me) these are her words- not mine.

There is a balance to how much "adoption talk" how much "race talk" and that balance is likely different for every family/individual. It is our jobs as parents to figure out that balance. I think most of the families in our group try to do just that.

I am not a big fan of "meant to be" with pretty much anything. I believe that people make decisions and choices and the choices we make lead to outcomes. However, the outcome is likely meant to be given the choices we make.

Right now I am perfectly happy with the outcome of being the Mommy-Mommy to my two beautiful daughters.

Warmly,
Reena

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Hi I'm Sandy, a stay at home Mom to Samantha and Sydney and wife to an amazing man who is not afraid to live in a house full of estrogen...although he does work a lot! Welcome to our blog~

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